Yesterday we had our weekly "Pinoy Women's Fellowship in Suzhou". The topic discussed was so touchy and i was somewhat affected by it that i can't shake it off my mind until today. Maybe it was because the thoughts have been in my head for quiet a long time, and i just kind of realized that i really have to let it out of my heart just to feel relieved. The subject was all about " Parents/Children in Values of Kindness".
The discussion was not actually titled that way (There is no title, just a random discussion within the circle) i just made it up but it was more or less about it. Well, i would like to share my inner point of view on this. Something that i have been dying to air out but just could not since everybody has each and her own opinion on this. I might as well write it down in here (This is my space, after all). However, everyone is so free to say what's on their minds. :)
For me, taking care of the parents is never an obligation for the children. It pains my heart to call it an "obligation". Obligation sounds like paying taxes, paying the bills, etc...hello? Is there an emotion attached to the word obligation? yup there is..i wonder what we feel about (just an example) paying the taxes? Well it is a must..we are raised to understand the importance in doing so and the consequences we get into if we do not. Yet, can you relate yourself paying it with overwhelming love? I hope you got my point.
My point is, i do not need to tell my children to take care of me in the future. It is not something that i teach them verbally like a subject in school. I do not like the idea of it doing so ( as much as i want them to take care of me ). I would like them to figure it out by themselves. (You know, without a hint from me?). I want them to do it freely. Out of the love that they feel for us. It is a challenge, don't you think? For us parents to let our children feel love and kindness without us telling them how to do it?
I always believe that whatever parents say to the children starting at a young age will penetrate their minds, specially if told over and over again. It is sometimes called conditioning the mind or shall we say, "brainwashing". It is an effective way for parents in planting discipline to children. If i may say, majority of the parents do that out of the desire in raising the kids right. For me, it is fair enough. It is something that we need to say and even write down for kids to understand. (like posting house rules at the door?)
However, the children's desire to take care of us do not come out of discipline. It comes out of kindness. Kindness comes out of love. All of it comes out from the heart. Values. It is the values that we show to them that counts most. Teaching values to children is most taught by being shown. For our case, (we may not be perfect) we try hard to let the children know that we care for their lolo and lolas when we let them hear us pray for them. ( and now, they always include them in their prayers), they know that we have been giving monthly allowances to their lolo since they reminded us to send it one day...(LOL), they were worried when their lola was admitted in the hospital and asked " mama, do you think she is alright? do we still have enough money to give her?"....something that they knew we (as the children of their lola) have to do even without telling them so. Do you think it is so touching when i cried one day knowing my siblings in Cebu are in need of money and they assured me, "Do not worry mama, i am sure papa will help. He always do." Where did those words come from? Do you think when they grow up, they will turn their backs on us? I believe, my children will have a heart to help people in need and not just family. Anyway they can.
So now tell me, would it be a wonderful feeling to give our children natural freedom?
I belong to a filipino family and i am proud of it. It is in our family traditions to take care of parents as part of values implanted on us. Yet i believe in making a better future, we need to be responsible parents. We need to work hard to prepare ourselves when we get old, giving our children space to build life for themselves and a family of their own. As parents, it is our responsibility to be there for our children to help them start a new life and guide them in molding their own family values. It would be a dream to be able to extend financial aids (not the other way around) to those that need it badly and lift them up.
Don't you think our children deserves it?
Responsible parenthood is another family value that is important to teach our children. Telling them to take care of us is just like showing them how irresponsible we are. How are we going to teach them the value of "responsibility"?. For me, telling them in such a way is just like making them feel that i fear they will not take care of me in the future. Children is so sensitive to parents' emotions and fear is not one of those that i like my children to learn. As early as now, i have to show them how to be strong. Being strong is a value that our children needs to carry on. Let us show them how to plan. Let us show them how we intend to raise them, how we worked to save for the future. Let us show them how we will prepare ourselves when we grow old. It would teach them the value of time, value of money, value of planning, value of friendship, loyalty, obedience...life,love, all in one.
Let it carry on...to our children...to our children's children.....it will give a difference!
The discussion was not actually titled that way (There is no title, just a random discussion within the circle) i just made it up but it was more or less about it. Well, i would like to share my inner point of view on this. Something that i have been dying to air out but just could not since everybody has each and her own opinion on this. I might as well write it down in here (This is my space, after all). However, everyone is so free to say what's on their minds. :)
For me, taking care of the parents is never an obligation for the children. It pains my heart to call it an "obligation". Obligation sounds like paying taxes, paying the bills, etc...hello? Is there an emotion attached to the word obligation? yup there is..i wonder what we feel about (just an example) paying the taxes? Well it is a must..we are raised to understand the importance in doing so and the consequences we get into if we do not. Yet, can you relate yourself paying it with overwhelming love? I hope you got my point.
My point is, i do not need to tell my children to take care of me in the future. It is not something that i teach them verbally like a subject in school. I do not like the idea of it doing so ( as much as i want them to take care of me ). I would like them to figure it out by themselves. (You know, without a hint from me?). I want them to do it freely. Out of the love that they feel for us. It is a challenge, don't you think? For us parents to let our children feel love and kindness without us telling them how to do it?
I always believe that whatever parents say to the children starting at a young age will penetrate their minds, specially if told over and over again. It is sometimes called conditioning the mind or shall we say, "brainwashing". It is an effective way for parents in planting discipline to children. If i may say, majority of the parents do that out of the desire in raising the kids right. For me, it is fair enough. It is something that we need to say and even write down for kids to understand. (like posting house rules at the door?)
However, the children's desire to take care of us do not come out of discipline. It comes out of kindness. Kindness comes out of love. All of it comes out from the heart. Values. It is the values that we show to them that counts most. Teaching values to children is most taught by being shown. For our case, (we may not be perfect) we try hard to let the children know that we care for their lolo and lolas when we let them hear us pray for them. ( and now, they always include them in their prayers), they know that we have been giving monthly allowances to their lolo since they reminded us to send it one day...(LOL), they were worried when their lola was admitted in the hospital and asked " mama, do you think she is alright? do we still have enough money to give her?"....something that they knew we (as the children of their lola) have to do even without telling them so. Do you think it is so touching when i cried one day knowing my siblings in Cebu are in need of money and they assured me, "Do not worry mama, i am sure papa will help. He always do." Where did those words come from? Do you think when they grow up, they will turn their backs on us? I believe, my children will have a heart to help people in need and not just family. Anyway they can.
So now tell me, would it be a wonderful feeling to give our children natural freedom?
I belong to a filipino family and i am proud of it. It is in our family traditions to take care of parents as part of values implanted on us. Yet i believe in making a better future, we need to be responsible parents. We need to work hard to prepare ourselves when we get old, giving our children space to build life for themselves and a family of their own. As parents, it is our responsibility to be there for our children to help them start a new life and guide them in molding their own family values. It would be a dream to be able to extend financial aids (not the other way around) to those that need it badly and lift them up.
Don't you think our children deserves it?
Responsible parenthood is another family value that is important to teach our children. Telling them to take care of us is just like showing them how irresponsible we are. How are we going to teach them the value of "responsibility"?. For me, telling them in such a way is just like making them feel that i fear they will not take care of me in the future. Children is so sensitive to parents' emotions and fear is not one of those that i like my children to learn. As early as now, i have to show them how to be strong. Being strong is a value that our children needs to carry on. Let us show them how to plan. Let us show them how we intend to raise them, how we worked to save for the future. Let us show them how we will prepare ourselves when we grow old. It would teach them the value of time, value of money, value of planning, value of friendship, loyalty, obedience...life,love, all in one.
Let it carry on...to our children...to our children's children.....it will give a difference!