Today is one of the many when i felt so not needed. As much as i would like to let it show that i care, i choose to hold it. I am not in the mood to get hurt again anyway. I was already most part of this day. Who likes to be ignored? It is best to sleep and let time pass by, grab a book, or simply blog. No, it is better to go dress up and get out of here...i need fresh air, nice views, to sit in the park and eat ice cream,It is time for a long walk!
I have just finished putting in the cabinet the last piece of our winter clothes. It is good to feel the cool breeze of Spring. "At last i can now say it's Spring." Waiting for spring is like eternity when i am in the midst of the bitter winter. Now, i have to enjoy every day that Spring offers. The different color of the wonderful flowers, the coolness of the air under the warm sun, the chirping of the birds early in the morning and the sweet smell of new leaves growing...Oh! If only we can let Spring stay forever. However, i notice that summer is somewhat in a hurry. It does not waste much of it's time. As i look at the weather forecast, temp is getting higher and higher as it goes. I'm afraid that just in time i get so comfortable in my favorite season, summer would already be here to stay. I've got to hold on for the moments while i still have the chance. Let us go out and play!
There are actually obvious embarrassing situations in my life that could be avoided if i just took the initiative of doing so. However, there are times that i choose to ignore those hints and go on being stupid. These dumb decisions gives me humiliation, guilty feeling, more expenses, bad example to my kids, awkward moments and lost friendships. All are my eternal regrets. I guess, there are no boundaries in my stupidity.
My children are little darlings that surround my life everyday. Amazingly, they give me strength when i am weak, pull me up when i am down, makes me laugh when i am sad and gives me hope to move on. They are what motivates me to continue on living.
I have been far from my homeland for 4 years now. Yet why is it that i have never had a single dream about this foreign land? All my dreams are about my homeland. Even the characters are from there too...Anyone who knows anything about dreams?
My Own Interprtation: I think maybe because in my heart i know that i really belong in my hometown, Philippines. There is no other place i can call home. Wherever i live, no matter how long i would be far away from there, Philippines would always be my home. That is what my heart and soul are always longing for... I have a dream that kept on puzzling me ever since. When i was still single, i used to dream that i am walking in the thought of coming home. Along the way, i always lost my slippers and so i have to walk barefoot. Later on i will find out that i am having a hard time finding the path for our house. I kept on walking around on roads that are so familiar to me but not leading me there. I always end up to the house where my aunt used to live....this dream did not occur for years but now it recently surfaced that i am married. What troubled me more is, before i walk barefoot in remote familiar places but now i am now walking desperately looking for my house...naked! In a road where there are a lot of people i do not know.
My Own interpretation: I think this means that before when i was still single, i do not have direction in life. As i walk through life, i do not have much of material things yet i have never been ashamed of being poor. My aunt was someone who always made us go to their house and spend times there with the rest of the clan. I guess their place always made me feel i belong. When i get married it disappeared because finally i found a new goal in life. I know now where to go and what to do. Yet, since it occured again while i am here in China maybe this means i fear on what is store ahead of us. I never know until when we are staying here and i do not know what to do if i go back to the Philippines without a job. I guess that would also explain my being naked. Since now, i do not have my own salary for myself. I just depended on my husband's income. I had a dream. I was riding a bus in Suzhou, China where i am living right now. As it goes, i fell asleep and had a dream. It seemed to be that i woke up while the bus stopped and found out that i was in the market of my hometown (Lapu-lapu City, Philippines). Suddenly i was so scared that i kept on pinching myself to wake up but just could not. If it was not a dream, then where are my kids? In Suzhou? Waaaaa!
My own Interpretation: Maybe i already miss my hometown so much that my heart would like to go home but i know i just could not and would not for some reasons |